4:57

It's 4:57 in the morning. I'm wide awake.

I tried to sleep, I gave it a real effort, but it doesn't seem like sleep is something I should expect tonight. I usually don't sleep through the night anyway, but this one feels different. Laying there, too warm in the thick summer air, eyes battened down. Mind racing.

In the quiet darkness a distant rumble can be discerned. Someone is getting a thunderstorm. Someone also awake, but far away. I've always liked thunderstorms. The power of the violent sky, crashing bolts of terror keeping every creature alert.

It's 4:59 in the morning. I'm wide awake.

I hear the patter of rain drops outside my open window. Calmly falling down, but not breaking the humidity, it rains just enough to start to relax my mind. A car goes by, splashing a shallow wake behind it, and opening up my thoughts once again. Where is that person going at this time of night? Probably a newspaper delivery guy, but who knows. These days it could be just some person driving around aimlessly because they need to get out of the house. Quarantine, job loss, anxiety, depression, financial stress. All of these things have kept me awake, and I'm pretty normal.

Maybe that person just needed to get out and see something different for once. Staring at the same four walls day in and day out can do a number on a person, especially if those walls don't produce joy. It's why many move, people change jobs, or even career tracks. They just can't deal with those same walls anymore, and want to see something else. Or maybe they just go for a drive in the middle of the night.

It's 5:10 in the morning, I'm wide awake.

At what point to I try to sleep again? More cars are moving past, I think a larger truck. Box truck maybe? I don't know, I didn't bother to look out the window. I want to lay down, but I am afraid it's an exercise in futility now. I've had an hour of sleep earlier in the night, around midnight, but I've been up ever since. Maybe I should try and see what happens.

It's 11:42 in the morning. I'm wide awake.

I had a dream about dogs. The rain created a calm, slowed down my thoughts, and I got some sleep. I know that those nights are few and far between, but when they appear, they're aggressive. Even temporary bouts of insomnia. a couple of days long perhaps, are frustrating and dabble in the territory of terrifying. Not being able to sleep no matter how hard you try, leaves you helpless. Laying there in the path of the window fan that was installed to fight the heavy heat, you are at the mercy of your own mind. And your mind isn't in the mood for your requests.

It's 11:49 in the morning. I've wasted half my day already.

SD